There is always this sliver of light even in the darkest place. We may not know what the source is, but it is there. And it does us a world of good to focus on that sliver so it becomes brighter in our lives. #AskMeHowIKnow
My life changed completely on January 15, 2014. That was the day my daddy, took his last Earthly breath and woke up in Heaven. Even as I write this I feel a huge void in my life. A void that I know NOTHING will ever be able to fill. You see my daddy was a unique man, he was tough as nails on the outside but a softy on the inside. If he were alive today, he may be side-eyeing me wondering why I’m “exposing” him. But, it’s true. My father loved so hard, he was a very principled and disciplined man. He was no-nonsense, straight shooter no chaser, and what you see is what you get. It either was or it wasn’t. Growing up, I remember thinking man daddy is mean…but at a few months out from 37, I realize he was exactly who and what I needed to shape me into the woman I am today. You see, there was only one man that could be my daddy and that was the Rev. Dr. Samson O. Awotula, Ph.D. What a rare jewel my father truly was and losing him took my breath away.
Now, don’t get me wrong I understand that my Heavenly Father sat and still sits in a place that no mortal will EVER sit, but my earthly father was a force to be reckoned with and he was the strongest man I ever knew, his name was very befitting in my opinion. I felt so lost without him, we had just started to get closer and I felt stripped of what our relationship was about to become.
When my daddy died, I grieved his life, his dreams, and things I knew he still wanted to do and most importantly I grieved our relationship. Knowing that my father would never meet my children, that he would never see me become the woman he always knew I would become, hurt so bad and I just didn’t see my way out of this.
After I tried so hard to be “strong” for “E-VA-REEEEEE” one else I found myself deep in a depressed state as a functioning depressed woman who was suffering in silence. I remember going to my Daddy’s graveside asking for clarity. I sat there for a while until I got what I needed. I came home, made an appointment to get help, and Jesus and therapy (yes, Jesus and therapy go together) saved my life.
Now through my journey of healing, self-reflection, I am living an intentional life of purpose and passion.
This last year has been, to say the least, nonconventional and filled with so much pain, loss, grief, uncertainties and so much more. You may be at a crossroads because of any number of things in life. You may be in a place of pain or even find yourself in or slipping into depression. You undoubtedly may have reached out to friends and family and heard, pray about it, this too shall pass. The truth is sometimes it feels like it won’t. It feels so heavy and feels like the church clichés just are not going to cut it. Well, I come to share with you a sliver of light, that there can be purpose after the pain and you can find a passion for life through the pain.
Matthew 11:28 – 30 (MSG) reads “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me, watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” These are the verses I held on to while I work through my grief, healing, and rediscovery of what my purpose on this Earth is for the kingdom. I had to remember that God is the only one that could give me the rest, peace, and freedom from all the feelings that were coming up for me through the grieving process, the pandemic, and life in general.
Healing is important for us and we do this in many different ways. I chose a therapist for my healing, my spiritual mother who walks alongside me, as well as accountability partners to keep me on track with new goals that I had set for myself in finding my new purpose in life. This journey came with a different type of peace, purpose, and passion that started as a sliver of light and becomes brighter and brighter as my purpose is fulfilled.
Find your vehicle for healing and allowing God to give you what is needed to move you to find purpose and passion through the pain.
Thank you for allowing me to share just a little bit of my story with you and I pray that you find the healing you need to live a peaceful life of purpose and passion. Healing is essential!
Until Next Time,
Coach Rosie